I realised the other day that a lot of married couples I know have been doing their weddings wrong. Many men and women think that the right thing to do is for the man to hire a suit and for the woman to buy her dress. Well… OBJECTION YOUR HONOUR.
Women, now hear this… you hardly ever wear your dress again after your wedding day, don’t deny it, I know you don’t. You look at it two or three times a decade and sigh. And maybe once at some juncture, say ten years, twenty perhaps, you get it out and try it on to see whether it still fits, and that ends in one of two ways… in tears or in ecstasy (“whoop I fit” or “argh I don’t fit”), neither of which is healthy. Then there’s the death bed dress stroke, when you have one last look at your youth in a strange reversal of the Dickensian spinster archetype. But that’s it! That’s it! That’s all the use your expensive garment gets!
From what I’ve seen, from my extensive monitoring, the groom rarely keeps his suit. This is not fair! If anyone is in need of a flash set of clothes, it is the man! We have weddings, funerals and job interviews to turn up smartly to. We could really do with having a posh three piece to jump into when necessary, but no!
Husbands have so few clothes. We hate buying them. We don’t know where our underpants come from, and we occasionally get given bin bags of someone’s cast off wardrobe which we gladly appropriate. Generally, nice clothes are rare for the average gentleman. Whereas that blinking white dress just sits in the cupboard, gathering dust.